l i n d s a y

f o s t e r

I begged my Mom for a parakeet. I named him Howie. He never liked to sit on my finger. One day I decided to stop feeding him and leave the sheet draped over his cage. He died 3 days later.

I have a large scar on my leg, the inner side of my right thigh. I’m not sure how I got it—one night in Orange County I woke up with it. It resembles a burn, but my jeans weren't damaged.

I couldn't break up with my boyfriend because he was too kind and gentle so I started wetting the bed in hopes he’d leave me.

One night I fell asleep in my neighbor’s bushes. I was hiding from a potential love encounter. I woke up at dawn with the birds. My neighbor never knew. It was a good thing because Mr. Glassman was concerned about my lifestyle.

My Mom is single. I wanted her to date so I went speed dating for her.

I never went to church growing up. At 15, a friend took me to a church-lock-in. A certain fear of judgment and longing for faith were introduced. They continue to quietly whisper.

A tree fell across the road. There was no wind. Driving my friend's car, I hit the tree. A man in a vintage Thunderbird stopped. Determined on a mission, he hauled the tree out of the road. I thought about hunters and gatherers. No words were exchanged and traffic began moving again.

I read the headline of an article today entitled, “Life Sized Satanic Doll Serves as Masturbation Toy for America’s Youth,” and thought about the state of our Puritanical values.

We had our own Peeping Tom growing up. I used to think of him outside the bedroom window standing underneath the glow of our Christmas lights. I was untroubled.

A car flew into a storefront that I was standing near. A woman came running out covered in blood. There was silence. I shook the broken glass out of my hair, continued walking and bumped into an old acquaintance from high school.

I knowingly forget to bring dog shit bags when we go out. He shits and I pretend to frantically look for a bag. When finished with the act, I pray for my karma and continue on.

I used to think my Mom and Sister were impostors. The evil tooth fairy had invaded the backroom. My mom tried to prove otherwise, except once. I have never been sure thereafter.